he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
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