I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
