so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
