YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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