...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize