Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
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