U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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