Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You need a sexual gate keeper
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
