im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
do herpes really smell.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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