My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
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You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
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i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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