So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
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I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
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I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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