i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
