I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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