mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
