i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
