I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
