so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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