first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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