Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
