Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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