Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
