I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
