I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
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