Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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