I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
