i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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