Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I need mimosas to revive my soul
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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