I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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