i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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