look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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