I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
