Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
