i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
