I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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