Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
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I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
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I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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