Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
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obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
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Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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