By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
