He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Randomize
