I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
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We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
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Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
The air taste purple.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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