You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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