i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
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Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
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i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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