my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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