he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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