Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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