he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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