Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.