I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.