Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long