i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.