I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
