Already got asked if we're dating
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
