also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Randomize
