Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
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By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
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We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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