She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize